Jane Shepard: This Is My Story
by FeZeTh13
Summary: Jane Shepard's journey through ME1. Becoming the first human Spectre and chasing down a rogue Spectre who threatens to destroy the galaxy picking up allies, one heck of a squad, making friends and sacrifices, Shepard records it all in her video diaries. Sequel is now up and a sister story to this one where her companions tell of who Shepard was to them at the end of the ME1 arc
1. First Log

**FeZeTh13 here! Thank you for checking out the story of my Jane Shepard. I tried to write this before, but have since redone the whole thing. Please review and tell me what you think. I hope you enjoy this and continue the journey with me and my Jane Shepard. Disclaimer: Bioware owns all!**

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**Signing In**

A woman with dark red shoulder length hair, bright green eyes, and red lips appears on screen, fiddling with the settings of the console. Finally she sets it to her preferences, and frowns, crinkling her nose, and reading a notification.

"To set up profile… you mean I…" The woman sighs and looks directly into the camera. "Oh, and it's already recording. I look intelligent already. My name is Jane Shepard, Commander in the Alliance fleet, assigned to ship Normandy, under Captain Anderson." A few sounds pop up, giving notice to the notifications, and Jane paused to look at the corner of her screen. "Good, everything is set up," she said apparently satisfied.

Shepard looks directly into the camera again. She looks tired, yet freshly showered. "The Normandy crew went on their first mission today. Eden Prime… was not anything that we expected. Our objective was to find a Prothean Beacon and bring it aboard the Normandy to take to Citadel space for research. I was also supposed to be under surveillance for Spectre candidacy with Nihlus being my judge. He didn't make it. He was betrayed by a fellow Spectre, his friend Saren. I really liked Nihlus, we could have worked well together. Jenkins fell today too. Maybe if Nihlus hadn't insisted on working alone, they would both be alive and we would have the word of a Spectre, and our soldier would be alive today. Geth were on the ground as well, hitting the colony. The Geth have this new technology that turns people into electric zombies. We only found a few survivors from the dig site. We found the Prothean Beacon after disarming a few bombs that would have made the colony one giant crater. Kaidan got too close and I guess it was still active so it pulled him in. I managed to get him away from it, but it grabbed me instead."

Shepard looks disturbed and seems to zone out. "I had visions. Visions of annihilation, destruction, death... I think. It was really orange with lots of screaming as if the Protheans were in a lot of pain and afraid. I have no idea what wiped them out. I woke up in the infirmary, Alenko and Dr. Chakwas were waiting for me. Captain Anderson debriefed me on our next course of action. We are going to appeal to the Citadel Council for Saren to come to justice. I don't think my 'bad dreams' are going to be enough evidence, but we have to try." She gave a rueful smile. She picked up and downed her coffee in one big gulp.

"Ugh, I hate coffee, but I need to stay awake. One good things came of this- Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. She is a good soldier, though she is taking the loss of her squad hard. I can understand that feeling though." Shepard touches the scar that crosses from her left cheek, across her nose to her right cheek. "Alenko is a good biotic, with some dabbling in tech. Though, he didn't use his biotics much. I will have to talk to him about that. We are going to need everything at our disposal, no holding back." Shepard frowned, as if trying to figure out the story behind his reluctance. She suddenly jerks with a start and takes another drink of coffee.

"Ok, I am getting sidetracked. I am actually excited about seeing the Citadel for the first time. Williams seems to be just as excited as I am." Shepard gets this giant grin on her face. "I have wanted to see the Citadel since I was a child! To see so many species in one place! I mean, yeah I saw aliens on Earth, but this is completely different! This is the center of the Galactic Community! To have an audience with the Council, supposed to be the wisest of their races… though they are politicians… so scratch that, not the wisest. I wonder how they are going to take our message about the visions, betrayal, and Geth. Especially since we're human." Shepard contemplates this for a little bit. "I am not racist, xenophobic, nothing like that, I have just heard things from others that humans... you know what? I _never_ base my opinion on other peoples judgment, I am not going to start now. I look forward to seeing how this all plays out. I wonder how this is going to affect my submission to be a Spectre." She seems to come back out of her thoughts and looks around the room a little bit longer, trying to come up with something to say. She looks at the ceiling when Joker's voice comes over the intercom.

"We are coming upon the Citadel-" The rest of the message was lost as Shepard smiled, jumped out of her seat and hit 'end recording.'


	2. First Human Spectre

_**Greetings! Thank you for reading this chapter! Updates after today will be somewhat random as I work around my work schedule. The first chapter was a little slow, as I was trying to set up a little bit of the bases of this story. I have never written a story like this- multiple chapters, full length story, so I am still learning how to make it all flow and interesting. I hope you will continue this journey with me, as I tell my Shepard's story. Concrit and Reviews totally make my day so please tell me how I am doing! **_

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all!**

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**First Human Spectre**

Shepard appears on screen, as well as a Turian with blue facial markings. Shepard brings up her hand, palm up toward her comrade to bring attention to him. "This is Garrus Vakarian. He is… was… the C-sec officer in charge of the investigation against Saren. He was a real asset on the Citadel while finding evidence and taking down bad guys. He is joining my squad."

"Thanks for bringing me aboard Commander." Garrus says nodding to her. She turns her full attention to him.

"No, thank you, Garrus. You didn't have to agree to come and I didn't bring you aboard as a favor. How you handled your investigation, your willingness to join me, and your determination to take down Saren, are what got you onto this squad. You earned this. Though things could get messy from here on out. As if it hasn't already gotten complicated." Shepard laughed a little bit remembering all the things she and her crew had already gone through, to just get started on this mission.

"Nothing I can't handle. Working with the first human Spectre to take down the biggest threat in the galaxy is worth it. How does it feel to be the first human Spectre?"

"Exciting. Overwhelming. At least I know this whole, kicking Saren's ass and saving the galaxy business is going to be done right. Well, no political bull to get in the way or waiting for orders." Shepard replied, a smile on her face.

"Playing by your own rules, no red tape to get in the way, no regulations. Just a clear shot to your goal… what?" Garrus paused at the look on Shepards face. Apparently she disagreed. Garrus looked worried now, while she managed to look sheepish with a frown on her face.

"The Alliance, Council, C-sec; they have no red tape here, but I do have my own rules. My morals and past created them. We talked about this a little bit in Dr. Michele's office. Innocents are not going to be casualties. When we get to our goal, we don't want to look back and notice all the needless destruction that marks our path there. People are going to die, but I want this done right, not fast." Shepard finished and looked at Garrus in the eye. His mandibles flared.

"Aye Commander." He nodded again. Shepard smiled and leaned forward, resting her head into her hand.

"So, have you seen the Council Chambers before today?"

"I've been in the chambers before for investigations, but not during a meeting."

"They seem like a bunch of hard-heads. With blindfolds-"

"Their heads so high in the clouds, high on their politics and power, and we are going to be dealing with them until this is finished." Garrus finished.

"They can't get any worse can they?" Shepard asked crinkling her nose. Looking at Garrus she tried to smother a laugh that sounded like something between a snort and a chuckle. Garrus was looking at her like she had lost her mind, and doubting how genuine the question she just asked was. "I guess it can get worse? Oh, that doesn't make me very excited. Quite the opposite actually. Oh, come on!" She exclaimed when his expression didn't change much. "Let me be positive about something!"

"I think realistic might help you more." Garrus retorts and Shepard rolls her eyes.

They both laughed. "I'm glad you're here Garrus, I think we will work well together. Your sniping skills and tech abilities will compliment my in-the-enemies-face shotgun and biotics I so love."

"You do like to charge into the fray."

"Indeed. Between you, me, and Wrex, nothing should be able to stand up to our combined might. I haven't gotten to fight alongside Tali yet, but she seemed to be able to hold her own against those assassins. I'm kind of excited about this." Shepard says crinkling her nose again. "If that makes any sense. Excited, and determined to take Saren down." Shepard adds with a fire in her eyes, sitting up straight.

"I'll be with you all the way Commander." Garrus replied, his own fire blazing in his eyes.

"Thanks Garrus. You said you wanted to take a look at the Mako?" Shepard asked standing up. Garrus followed her example.

"Just to get an idea of how your human ground vehicle works. I'm sure you won't hurt it too much on missions, but I figured I could repair it when needed. Your driving should be more than adequate to make sure the Mako doesn't come back too banged up." Garrus' face became confused as Shepard laughed and turned off the console.

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Garrus' face fills the screen and he looks directly into it. He is frowning and his mandibles are flat against his face, tense.

"Shepard, your driving is insane." With that infiltration of a statement, he turns off the console.


	3. Hanging with Joker

_**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all.**_

**In the Cockpit**

Jane Shepard appears on the screen, focusing the lens until Joker shares the camera. The cockpit is in the background, and Shepard starts looking at all the buttons. Joker rolls his eyes.

"The com is not going to come on all by itself Commander, and it's not on now."

"Yeah, well. You like to make things awkward." Shepard said and leaned back crossing her arms, frowning.

"So what do we do here?" Joker asked and flittered his fingers at the console.

"We talk about our day." Shepard smiled and leaned forward. Joker sputtered and looked at the console, back to Shepard.

"What- what is this, your diary?" Joker looked shocked.

"Exactly. Maybe one way of expressing and recording my thoughts after missions and other random events. Yep. Definitely my diary! Say hello Joker!" Shepard said and nudged him, making him almost rattle in his pilot seat.

"Oh great." Joker adjusted his cap and waved.

"We just came out of the Artemis Tau cluster. We just picked up-"

"-Rescued-"

"Our Prothean Expert-"

"-The blue babe-"

"From the clutches of Saren." Shepard finished and gave Joker an incredulous look.

"I still deserve a medal for my actions Commander." Joker said and leaned over in his seat toward Shepard.

"I thought you didn't want all the Pomp and Circumstance, with incredibly long speeches." Shepard answered leaning in her seat and putting her chin in her hand. A mischievous smirk is sitting on her face.

"Something would be nice. I did pull your ass out of the fire."

"How about this?" Shepard says and leans out of the camera's angle. Joker tries to see what she is digging through and leans back in his seat as she comes back up. "I made it just for you. I have been working on it all day!" Shepard says in a sing-song voice and holds up an incredibly sparkly medallion. They both look down and watch as glitter falls onto the cockpit floor. "I like sparkles, but I am really not all that great with arts and crafts."

"Oh, wow, jeez, thanks Commander." Joker says with sarcasm lacing every word, and takes the medal while Shepard laughs at the look on his face.

"Anytime Joker. You know what I want for my birthday?" She asks and gets this faraway look in her eye as she stares out into space.

"Well that was completely random. Been on your mind all day or did you just think of this? Is your birthday coming up?" Joker asks while hiding the medal.

"No. I just turned 29 before we went to Eden Prime, but since you missed it, you can get me what I really want. I want a gun like the mining laser down in the ruins. I like guns that make an impact." She gives Joker a smile that is way too giddy to be talking about guns. "This one made a crater."

"It's also what made the ruins come down around you. I don't think I could keep my manly pride with so many medals made by you Commander. Besides you create enough chaos with your shotgun."

"I do love my shotgun." Shepard nods thoughtfully. The cockpit was silent for a second as the two contemplated the day. Suddenly Joker chuckles and Shepard looks up at him.

"What I just can't seem to understand is, why didn't you tell off the Council? I wanted to turn off the feed."

"Maybe next time. Apparently, long dead Prothean Ruins, that no one besides Liara had an interest in, were incredibly valuable. Dunder-heads. My people's lives and our mission are more important than some ruins. Besides, all the technology anybody has is based on Prothean ruins they found on their home planet. Let them play in those Prothean ruins." Shepard settles back in her seat and Joker chuckles, shaking his head.

"I heard you battled a Krogan Battlemaster while trying to get out of there. Too bad you didn't take Wrex with you. That would have been an interesting battle."

"No, Wrex would have broken the elevators." Shepard crinkles her nose as she considers how grateful she is that she took Kaidan and Garrus. "The elevators were already rusty and we couldn't take them back up, because of all the debris falling down. That is not something I want to do again. I am just glad everyone got out alive."

"Were the elevators as slow as the ones on the Citadel?" Joker asked, not sure if he could believe there were slower elevators.

"No, thank the Maker. I would rather go slow though than plunge to death in a rickety elevator because we packed in too much Krogan." Shepard nodded, and she and Joker both laughed.

"I would also rather battle that Krogan again, than do again than what I experienced today." Shepard slowly turned to face Joker, her eyes wide but the rest of her face neutral. Joker leaned away as far as he could in his chair. "You know what the creepiest, weirdest thing is?"

"Right now, Commander, you fill that category." Jokers voice wavered. Shepard leaned forward so she was directly in his face. Jokers eyes got even more wide when her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and then down to look into his again.

"Embrace Eternity!" She whispered in a creepy, mystical voice, and then shot back into her seat laughing.

"That was pretty creepy Commander. Please never do that again." Joker remarked warily and started shifting in his seat, though he was chuckling.

"Oh, that was nothing compared to actually seeing Liara's eyes turn black and feel her probing my mind. I hope I never have to do that again." Shepard kind of shivers. "It wouldn't have been so bad if I had seen like, holovids of the joining before I shared that with Liara."

"What were you able to learn?"

"Nothing. I just saw the vision again. Though Liara was shocked at learning what really made the Prothean's go extinct. At least there is proof that I am not crazy though."

"No, I think that is still up in the air Commander."

"Liara didn't understand the vision any more than I did." She answered ignoring Joker. "It makes sense though. Only a Prothean could understand the message. And it's a broken message. They must speak in Marmalade."

"Marmalade?" Joker asks swerving his head to look at her. Shepard laughed.

"Yeah. I see exploding oranges, screaming mouths, and death. That is my all-powerful vision."

"Sounds messy."

"Indeed."

Silence enveloped the cockpit again and the two humans looked around, fidgeting in their seats or examining their nails.

"I'm hungry." Shepard suddenly blurts out and sits straight up in her chair.

"Biotics are always hungry. I honestly think your more tired than hungry Shepard." Joker says and muffles out a 'hey!' when Shepard gets in his space looking for some food. "I don't have anything up here Shepard, it's against regs."

"Ha. As if that has stopped you before." She says and sits back, not finding anything. "I want some waffles anyway. Thanks Joker, sleep well." Shepard says and stands up, stretching.

"Yeah, you too Commander." Joker replies as Shepard reaches for the console and turns it off.


	4. When Maws Attack

_**Author Note: Greetings! Thank you for reading this chapter!**_

_**I would like to add that I will be sticking with canon to the game, until the end of Mass Effect 3... I didn't like the endings because they made no sense, so I will be making sense of the endings they gave us. So, because of the idea I have in my head for the endings, I do not yet know if I will change it to match the DLC that Bioware is coming out with this summer. I hope they come up with a good DLC.**_

_**Anyway, thank you for sticking with me and my Shepard! Please leave me a review, they make my day and constructive critisism is good for a new writer too! **_

_**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all!**_

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**Sole Survivor**

The cargo bay is on screen, and the camera shakes as if someone is walking. The Mako and Garrus are getting closer as the camera moves up the them.

"Garrus, how is the Mako doing?" Shepard's voice floats out from behind the camera. Garrus slides out from under the Mako.

"It definitely took some damage. Especially over there." He replies, gesturing to the side hull and wiping his hands on a rag. "It might take a couple of days to repair but I can get it fixed up good as new." He smiled to her.

"Well, let me help. What can I do?"

"You don't have to Shepard. I can-"

"Shepard. Nice job taking down that Thresher Maw." The camera swivels, showing Wrex walk up the pair.

"Wrex…" Shepard sighs.

"I didn't think a human could go into such a battle rage, but I want the big gun next time."

"Nah. I think I will keep it." Shepard replies with sour humor. Garrus frowned, lost in thought and confused of why she seemed to be in a bad mood. "Good job driving Garrus. Glad I have someone who can take the wheel and keep that dang thing under control in such a situation."

"Heh, thanks Shepard. I never thought you would give up the wheel and then fight with Wrex over the cannon. I have to wonder though, why did you go into such a rage and give me the controls?" The silence quickly became an awkward pause and Garrus' mandibles twitched, the Turian looking uncertain. "If you don't mind my asking."

"My rule is a simple one: Kill them before they kill anyone. I am not losing anyone else to those demon spawn. Not one more." Shepard growled. "I did enough running and killing on Akuze to know a few ways to take down a Thresher Maw. Feels good."

"Sure does. An enemy like that falling before us. That is why I like traveling with you Shepard." Wrex nods eagerly and this time Shepards laugh is genuine.

"So how about we fix this thing up?" Shepard asks, and the camera focuses back onto the Mako.

"Yeah, here." Garrus says, tone light and hands her a nice looking power tool.

"Youre going to have to tell me what this is and how to use it." She laughs and Garrus chuckles with her. Wrex is back on screen. "You going to help us Wrex?"

"I will leave the mechanics to you and the Turian." He says and leaves.

"You may want to remove the visor on your face." Garrus says pointing straight at the camera. "What is that?"

"Huh? My visor camera. Tali and I rigged it up. And your right, I am not used to it and I might break it."

"Well, is that red light supposed to be on?" Garrus asks as Shepard starts taking it off her face. It swivels and shows her face as she examines it.

"How did it turn on? I must have pushed a-" the screen goes black.

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**2 days later**

Shepard appears on screen looking quite weary.

"Akuze seems to be haunting me. First the Thresher Maw, and today I found a fellow survivor. I remember him. I saw him taken under!" She seemed to be struggling, her hand shaking. "The Thresher Maws had him! No, he was found alive, taken, tortured, and experimented on by Cerberus! Akuze was just a giant experiment! All those colonists, my fellow Marines… nothing but data to this organization."

Utter rage and disgust filled her features and she looked like she was snarling. "Cerberus. I am going to stop them. We had already found Admiral Kohoku killed weeks ago by these scientists, along with other atrocious experiments. Inhumane human extremists."

A dark smirk adornes her face, "Wrex actually yelled at the scientist we found. The man was trying to tell me that I had no evidence. 'Shepard was at Akuze, that's all the proof she needs!'" Shepard did a growling imitation of Wrex. "Something like that anyway. It felt good, like I was protected. Garrus was growling behind me too."

A frown of fury and fire lit in her eyes as she continued. "I will not let this stand. Cerberus is an abomination and I will not let them get away with this. Justice will come swiftly upon their heads when Shepard and crew find them. That does not mean a killing spree, but if they fire first well…" the terrible devilish smirk crosses across her face again, "bring it."


	5. Creeper Kisses

_**Greetings! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks for coming to read it! Please review it always makes my day! **_

_**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all.**_

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**Creeper Kisses**

Ashley, Shepard, and Tali are congregated in the Medbay. Shepard and Ashley are sitting up in the beds while Tali sits in a chair beside Shepards bed. Ashley has a bandage on her face and her neck is wrapped up as well. Shepards head is wrapped in bandages, her face completely visible but her red hair is hidden. They are all laughing uncontrollably.

"It's the meds!" Shepard exclaims when Tali asks why the two humans are so giddy. "Are you on meds too Tali? Are you ok chic?"

"I am fine Shepard. But the two of you…" Tali giggles, "your laughter is contagious, it makes me laugh too."

"Quarians really can catch anything!" Shepard laughs and Ashley joins in. Suddenly Shepard stops and looks at Tali. "I truly meant no offense!"

"No offense taken Commander." Tali smiles behind her mask and Shepard reciprocates it. Looking at her computer, it is now noticeable how much of her smile is crooked and a little manic.

"Feros was one giant bucket of crazy!" She yells and spreads both her arms out.

"Zombies!" Ashley adds in.

"Plant Zombies!" Shepard corrects her.

"Brainwashed colonists!" Tali exclaims.

"Mad Exo-geni scientists!"

"Brainwashed Asari Commandoes!"

"Thorian!" Tali added and the three of them were all looking at eachother, the two humans wide eyed an looking a little crazy.

"Maybe we should start at the beginning." Shepard breaks the silence with a lazy smirk. "Reports of Geth were filtering into Alliance Command, and these Geth were the synthetics in league with Saren. So, investigating, we found that the colonists were indeed fighting them off, while the scientists were trying to protect their great find and experiment."

"We found the scientists and discovered that the colonists were being mind controlled and part of the scientific study. Skipper didn't take that very well." Ashley swayed a little bit as she looked at the Commander.

"Of course I didn't. We found that to free the colonists and kick the Geth off Feros, we had to destroy the organic creature that was found deep underground. The Thorian. The Thorian was… was a… Tali, you want to take this?"

Tali seemed to blanch back at this. She brought her hands up to explain and moved them around while stumbling with her words. "The Thorian… giant plant…" she just seemed to stop all at once.

"Huge, ugly, plant. Regurgitated Asari clones and Creepers." Ashley finished as best as anyone could. All three women got a disgusted look on their faces.

"I will draw a picture of it later." Shepard added. "The Thorian made the people of the colony attack us. Luckily we didn't have to kill any of them. Fai Dan gave his life for us to continue on to the Thorian. He just wanted his people to be free. Rest in peace Fai Dan." Shepard bows her head and the other two follow her lead.

Upon lifting up her head, Shepard grabbed her bandaged head a grimace on her face. "My head feels funny. Like I received a concussion, merged with two Asari, and acquired a Cipher for the Prothean visions in my head. Oh yeah, that is what happened." She scowled and noticed Ashley scratching at her bandage. Tali seemed to be fidgeting in her chair at Shepards complaints.

"Hey Ash. Why don't you tell my journal how you received that Creeper hickey. Plant zombies seem to like you."

"Skipper, that zombie looked like it was trying to kiss you. I will only tell if you do." Ashley responded and pointed at Shepards head.

"Deal Williams. You first."

Ashley grimaced and rolled her eyes. "I was bit in the neck by one of the Thralls. Of course, these things explode, and acid burned my face."

"While Ashley was down for the count and bleeding, the Asari Commando clone goes after her and I jump in the way to defend her. Fending off the Commando while Tali stops the bleeding, another wave of Creeper Thralls attack and one topples me to the floor because my shields are down." She points to her head. "Hence that bandages. The place was full of rocks and I busted my head open."

"Those injuries happened because you wouldn't let those things near me." Tali says a little sad and her shoulders sag.

Shepard turns to look at her completely sobering from the medication. "They were toxic Tali. If you got a suit puncture or anything, there was nothing for us to stop it from affecting you." She holds her hand up to stall Tali. "Now, I know you're a superb fighter, hacker, and shotgun wielder. I am not trying to coddle you." Shepard leans in toward Tali making sure the Quarian knows she is sincere.

"Tali, that toxin burned. Ashley and I are able to get medical attention and we had no idea what kind of a reaction you would have. We wouldn't die from this-"

"-unless we were allergic-"

"But you've never had exposure to that kind of toxin before. I just didn't know how you would react to it. So… yes. I told Ashley that we were going to cover you and make sure you didn't get hit with that crap, and those creatures exploded when we got close." Shepard waits until Tali nods and then sits back and smiles.

"How did you know Ashley and you could handle the toxin Shepard?"

"That's easy. I got spit on by a Thresher Maw. See?" Shepard says seemingly to succumb once again to her medications. She swings her legs out from under the covers and shows off an ugly scar on her entire left calf. "My armor ended up melting to my leg. I can, without a doubt, say that the Creepers acid isn't near as bad as Thresher Maw acid." Shepard smiled smugly.

"Keelah Shepard!" Tali exclaimed and Ashley looked over trying to see what the commotion was.

"Its fine! Now I don't have to shave this leg. Though it also means I can't wear skirts or shorts."

"Ha! Commander I can't see you in a dress!" Ashley laughed and Shepard frowned looking offended.

"I clean up very nicely Ashley! Dancing sometimes calls for it."

"Dancing? I would like to see you try Shepard!" Ashley retorts in challenge.

"No, I don't think-" Tali starts to object. "Keelah!" She finishes as Shepard hops out of bed and tries to dance. It is more flailing of arms and stumbling. Ashley was laughing and Tali was trying to keep Shepard on her feet.

"Dance with me Tali!" Shepard exclaims and grabbed her friend, who let out a squeak. They then both start laughing.

"Shepard! Get back into that bed!" Chakwas yelled when she opened the door. Laughter could be heard from the Mess Hall where everyone had been watching during lunch.

"But we are doing a mission debrief!" Shepard defiantly states and crosses her arms.

"And that involved dancing?"

"Williams said I couldn't dance."

"I was right!" Ashley hollers.

"She was correct Commander."

"I can!" Shepard yells exasperated that no one believed her.

"You can try again Shepard." Chakwas says and gives her a dose of sedative to make her sleep.

"There were plant zombies!" Shepard yells as if that is the answer to everything and Tali turns off her camera.


	6. Confessions of a Commander

_**Greetings! Thank you for checking this chapter out! I have edited the first chapter to flesh it out and make it flow better. **_

_**I also believe that, while she may be Commander Shepard, she is also a woman and a person with real feelings and desires, and can let that part of herself out during her journal recordings. She doesn't plan on letting these recordings be seen, so she opens up completely. It helps to keep her 'soldier persona' and 'human persona' balanced. I think it is important that she remembers that she is a person with a past, personal struggles, that has feelings, and not just a soldier. She also likes to talk out loud to rationalize and figure things out, aka: she rambles. Please review, it makes my day and I like concrit as well!**_

_**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all.**_

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**Confessions of a Commander**

Three figures stood in a triangle in the cargo hold. All three glowing in pale pulsing blue biotics, standing still as statues. Suddenly two moved backwards, drew their guns, and started shooting at the male in the room. Kaidan drew up a biotic barrier while Liara and Shepard fired their pistols.

A bullet penetrated his shield and painted his arm yellow. Whipping out his pistol and training it on Shepard, the Commander brought up her own barrier and Liara turned her own pistol upon her. It took longer, but eventually a bullet painted her blue and the two humans turned toward Liara. Lasting a few moments longer than Shepard, Liara's biotic shield gave out and she was painted green.

The three combatants joined in a biotic battle, nothing held back. Cargo boxes flying, Liara lifted into the air, and Kaidan shot backwards after being hit by a particularly hard 'throw'. This battle went on for a good twenty minutes until a buzzer went off and the three participants flopped onto the floor at the sound.

"You are doing better with your barriers." Liara pants in the direction of the two humans.

"Battling biotics has been getting easier since we started these mini battles." Shepard replies, sitting up and throwing water bottles toward her squad.

"It is an efficient way to learn. Finding weak spots during these battles is preferable to realizing them on the battlefield." Kaidan added standing up.

"Haha! On that not we agree Lieutenant." Shepard laughed. "Gosh I'm hungry." She patted her stomach and picked herself and her towel up.

"Are all humans with biotics always this hungry? You two seem to eat more than the rest of the crew."

"We have to eat twice as many calories since our biotics use so much of our energy." Kaidan answered.

"Asari probably eat a lot too, they just think it is normal because biotics in your race is natural. Anyway, I am hungry. Let's go."

"Don't forget your camera Shepard." Kaidan says running up to her, giving her a winning smile. She smiles her thanks and makes her way over. Liara and Kaidan wait for her and laugh when she grumbles about being late for steak.

* * *

Jane is laying on her stomach, on the top of her bed, feet towards the bed when the screen turns on. She looks a little nervous and talks very low and quiet as though she doesn't wish to be heard. Or would be embarrassed to be. Her hands are fiddling with a long stretchy string.

Finally looking into the camera she starts, "I had something happen today that has never happened before." Looking back down at her active hands, she continues. "Two people confessed to having feelings for me. I had to reject them both. Apparently I was sending mixed signals to Kaidan. I don't really know how, I have never flirted or led anybody else on." She frowns a little bit confused and blushes. "I don't even know _how _to flirt. I was really just being nice. Liara just started 'liking' me I guess. Went from interest in my brain and the visions, to interest in me." Shepard sighs a tired and sad sound.

"I don't understand h-how they feel. I've never… how do you know when you have special feelings for someone? Butterflies in your stomach, tongue-tied, walking in the clouds. I have heard that it feels like that. I mean, I have had people express interest before when I was a teenager or on shore leave from the Alliance, but I have never felt anything for anyone. Most of those were just looking for a night of passion or were so dirty I could only hit them with my biotics and warn them to not mess with me. I turned them all down. That is not what I am interested in. Only one schoolmate seemed sincere in his affections. I was 16. He is the only one I said yes to. He was very nice and had been my school friend for three years. It only lasted about a week though so I don't think it really counts. He found out about my involvement with the Reds and wouldn't let me explain my reasons. Maybe he just felt betrayed, but so did I. I thought, if he really cared, he should have listened to me. I guess I had hoped he would help me.

"I think I really just wanted to _feel __something._Have someone love _me_, not just be grouped into a gaggle of children like in the orphanage. Seeing so much of it at school, on the street, the children at the orphanage who actually got adopted, I just didn't understand what was so special about it. The love of parents for their children, the adoration of children for their parents, strong friendships, couples, marriages, the young, the old, none of that was in the gang, not in my life." Shepard looks back up into the camera, one tear falling along her cheek.

"I don't understand how love works, how those feelings are developed." She starts fiddling with her string again. "I want to. I wish to understand. That special connection, the love from the person that makes your world so much brighter." She giggles a watery laugh. "I have seen people's faces light up at the sight of a loved one, so I know that side effect of these feelings are true." She gives a heavy sigh. "I do not want to sound like a needy baby. I am fine as I am, but I do wonder. To have your parents leave you as a baby, the one man who came to visit you in the orphanage die in battle, people wanting to use your body while you fight to keep pure… I don't understand the whole concept of LOVE!" She growled out the last word, angered at feeling incomplete because this feeling has eluded her. "My whole life has been about survival. I guess… the children at the orphanage, I felt affection for them, and it's why I joined the Reds. My squad on Akuze, they were my comrades in arms, I trusted them with my life as they did me. We had to. Mr. Kentor was the special Alliance man that visited me in the orphanage, but he died when I was six. Did he love me? I like to think he did. I miss him, did I love him? Was this affection or trust I felt for these people love? I… don't know."

"I do know that everyone on the Normandy is special to me." Shepard gives a small pleased smile, thinking on her crew.

"Kaidan is a good man, but he needs someone more stable and outside of the Alliance. He seems like the type who would say 'this is what will never happen again: us.' I told him as much. I believe he will find that special woman, and when he does I look forward to meeting her.

"Liara needs somebody who understands her, the concept of a real lover, and um… could handle the 'melding' Asari do. She needs someone who can travel with her to Prothean sites and stay by her side. I am also just not attracted to either of them." Shepard lets out a frustrated buzz of her lips.

"Maybe one day I will figure it all out. Until then, I have a rogue Spectre and Geth to fight. I have a crew of good people, a squad of friends that I would never give up and I know has my back. I am happy where I am in my life. Luckily, nobody has access to my recorded journals so I can cry like an idiot if I want. Tata!" Shepard laughs, truly happy and content where she was, and turns off her console.


	7. Virmire

_**Greetings! Sorry about the late update. I have been extremely busy with work and then really sick when I am free. I am finally feeling better and am happy to finally be able to put this up. I will put up another chapter around Wednesday to try to catch up. Please review and tell me how I am doing! Thank you for those who have reviewed, it really makes my day! Have a great week everyone!**_

* * *

**Virmire**

The ship is silent, lights are dimmed, and Jane is leaning against the wheel of the Mako. No one is around.

"I told the crew to sleep. After the day we all had…" She trails off and blinks rapidly. "Virmire was a mission sent to us by the Council and we had to take desperate measures. We set up a nuclear bomb and Kaidan…" Shepard chokes and her eyes brim in tears. "He stayed behind." She seemed to be shaking. Taking a deep breath, closing her eyes, she started humming to herself, relaxing so she could continue.

"A Salarian STG unit was stuck on Virmire upon following a lead to Saren. There they found a lab he had created that would 'cure the Genophage.' As if. Wrex was pissed when I agreed to blow up the facility. I understood his point of view, but it didn't change my mind. I eventually managed to talk him down. The Krogan would not have been free and cured, they would have been slaves to Saren and his nefarious purposes." She gave a halfhearted scowl.

"The Salarians, who were led by Captain Kirrehe, needed one of my squad to go with them. Kaidan volunteered and Ashley wanted to go as well. I sent Ashley. I thought she would give them more firepower and maybe learn how to get along with aliens better. It also showed that I trusted her with Command, something the Alliance hasn't done yet. Kaidan was great with tech, so I knew he would do better with the bomb. Garrus and Wrex were my squad.

"We found an Asari scientist who told us about Indoctrination. The ship that landed on Eden Prime and where Saren boards isn't really a ship. Sovereign is a Reaper. An actual, living Reaper. We met it above another Prothean Beacon. It talked to us. Garrus, Wrex, and I were afraid, though we tried to hide it." Shepard leans forward, her eyes glazed over as she get a faraway look in her eyes as well as fear, her head leaning on her knees. "It gets better. It is preparing for an invasion. Said he was the Vanguard of our destruction." She suddenly give the camera a sinister smirk. "I told him I was a Vanguard, and was the Vanguard to _their_ destruction." Her face becomes serious again. "The Reapers wiped out the Protheans. I am not letting that happen to us. Wrex and Garrus were witness to all this so I know I am not going mad.

"We finally came upon the rendezvous point and set up the bomb. Kaidan stayed to arm it while my squad went to help Ashley and the Salarians." Sorrow overcame her features and her shoulder slumped as if she could barely tolerate the tidal wave of grief. "A Geth drop ship landed by Kaidan and there was no time to save both. Kaidan… he said he understood. I talked with him and listened until Virmire went silent.

"We saved Ashley and the STG. Saren showed his ugly face. He is fighting for the Reapers, hoping some species will survive because of his actions. Co-existence. He is hoping they will show mercy. He is indoctrinated. Synthetics don't have mercy, look at what happened to the Protheans. Saren almost choked me to death. I almost shot him off of his glider.

"Everybody is taking his death a different way. Joker is silent and serious. Ashley yelled at me for saving her and Liara couldn't stop talking about Protheans and Reapers. Heh. But all of Kirrehe's men and the Captain himself are alive and we put them up in two cabins. We held a service for Kaidan and the Salarians that were lost." Shepard hugged her knees to her chest tighter, letting her head fall back down as the silent tears started to fall.

* * *

**2 hours later**

Shepard is asleep, knees tucked up to her chest, arms resting on her knees, and her head resting on her arms. A slight snore leaves her as a shadow moves over her. Garrus bends down and his face comes into view. He looks into the camera and then back at Shepard. Crouching over her, he slides and arm under her knees and places her arm over his shoulder. His other arm goes behind her back and picks her up silently and fluidly. She mumbles something and then relaxes into his hold as he walks away.

Everything is silent until Garrus comes back. Looking into the screen he gives a sad smile. "Goodnight Shepard." The screen goes black.


	8. Shake it Commander

_**Greetings! I didn't know if I was going to get this one out as I was incredibly ill for the past two days.**_

_** I chose the song I did because while I was thinking about writing this chapter, the song popped up and I was like 'ok, I choose you.' This chapter was also just for fun.**_

_**Reviews make my day so please tell me how I am doing! Thank you for reading this chapter and I hope you will continue this journey with me and my Jane Shepard.**_

_** Personally I can't wait to get to ME2 and the romance! Wooo!**_

_**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all**_

* * *

**Shake it Commander**

Tali and Shepards faces are peering into the camera as Tali fixes the settings and gets it into focus.

"There you go Shepard." She shows Shepard proudly and Shepard gave her a quick hug.

"Thanks Tali. Let's put it here." She replies and the camera moves until it is stationed on a crate facing the cargo hold. Wrex and Garrus can be seen wondering around.

"I look forward to this Shepard." Tali says as Shepard walks to be in view from head to toe.

"Apparently, the whole of the Normandy doesn't think I can dance." Shepard cocks a hip, hand resting on it, expression one of playful shock.

"We saw you in the medbay Ma'am. That is not dancing!" Ashley yells from across the room.

"Also in the club. That Salarian looked appalled." Garrus laughed.

"Hey, I was drugged while in medbay and then I was dragged onto the dance floor by that handsy man. You don't want to dance, you dance badly. People leave you alone. Dance 101." Shepard replied staring Garrus in the eye, a challenge in her stance. He only chuckled and looked towards Wrex.

"Wrex." Garrus said getting the Krogan's attention.

"Turian." Shepard laughed at Wrex's response and started tapping her omnitool.

"What do you think? Can the Commander dance? You were in the club with us."

"What do I care? Dancing doesn't benefit anyone."

"It's good for the ladies." Garrus chuckles a bit.

"That is NOT why I dance." Shepard shouts out.

"Not for my females. Have you ever seen a Krogan dance? We have no use for it." Wrex says matter-of-factly.

"The battlefield can be seen as one big dance floor Wrex." At the Krogan's snort Shepard continues. "Don't mock it until you try it. Your females could like dancing."

"Yeah? Well I don't want to be the first to try it out in case you're wrong." They all laughed and Shepard started waving everyone out of her space. Almost the entire crew had come down to see this. Everyone needed a little fun after the events that had happened two weeks prior.

"You're dancing to this? Wow this song is incredibly old." Joker says over the intercom.

"Joker are we synced?"

"Your music is in the Normandy, and…" He trails off as music filters through. It's an old Irish jig.

Shepard starts doing the Irish jig to match the music. It is perfect and flawless. It is also unusual. At first people laugh, but as she keeps going, so in tuned to the music, body perfect and flowing they are in awe. At the last beat she strikes a pose.

"What was that?" Liara asks as she applauds.

"Human dance from one of our countries. It is really old." Shepard says and laughs catching her breath a little bit.

"Can you dance like you are in a club?" Ashley asks sauntering up and Shepard responds with a smirk.

"Next one Joker."

"Old song." He quickly adds before playing Lady Gaga- Just Dance. She doesn't just start swaying her hips and waving her arms like most people in the club scene. No, she starts an actual choreograph routine. Hip-hop, modern, and fluid space contemporary are her moves now. She seems to be lost in the music again, closing her eyes and losing herself to its beat. The other humans, Liara, and Tali join in.

The music finished and Shepard marched over to Garrus and cocked her hip again. "Before you say anything, I have a challenge for you Vakarian." Garrus looks intrigued. "Yeah I know more human dancing and how no idea if you Turians even consider it dancing. So, if you join me, I can prove to you I can dance." She smirks at the look on her friends face.

"Join you? I-" Garrus stops and laughs a little bit as a Turian song comes over the loudspeaker. It was a common celebratory song for Turians. There was a set choreography and every Turian knew it. Apparently so did Shepard.

"Can you dance Vakarian?" Shepard yelled after sliding back to her spot in the cargo hold. She started dancing and Garrus could only laugh. She had it down perfectly. He slid beside her, doing the exact same moves.

Soon everyone was dancing. Shepard even went and grabbed Joker, twirling him around in his wheelchair as they danced together. Shepard eventually convinced Tali to teach them a simple Quarian dance and Liara taught them an elegant Asari dance. Wrex never joined on the dance floor, but he did have a good laugh at them all.


	9. Rachni are Evil

_**Greetings! Thank you for reading this chapter! There is only on more chapter left in the ME1 arc. I am considering making three different stories for each arc. Like this one would be done after the next chapter and I would start a new story to create the ME2 story line. If you have any feedback about that, please let me know.**_

_**Please review and let me know how I am doing! I love reviews!**_

_**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all.**_

* * *

**Rachni are Evil**

Shepard, Liara, and Garrus are sitting around a table in Shepard's room. They each have their own drinks and apparently ordered nachos. Garrus had his own bowl of… something and was happily eating it.

"We just got back from Noveria. Definitely not the friendliest of places." Shepard said, rubbing her forehead trying to knead the headache away with her fingers.

"As soon as we docked we were held at gunpoint. They even tried to keep us from docking when we arrived." Garrus said sounding completely unamused.

"They were complete idiots for thinking I would give up my gun. Though, we would have kicked their stupid butts with your tech" Shepard laughs pointing to Garrus and then waves her hand towards her and Liara, "and our combined biotics. They wouldn't have stood a chance. I don't even remember the name of the woman, not that I care to, but she really made me want to toss her out of an airlock." Shepard ground out from her teeth.

"I thought you were going to kill her right there." Liara added looking worried as she remembered the commotion.

"Indeed, I did too. She won't be threatening anybody else anymore. Turns out she was under the payroll of Anoleis, a Salarian who was playing dirty. A Turian by the name Lorik Qui'in, was the target of Anoleis and his corruption since he had found the data to say Anoleis was taking bribes. Qui'in was willing to give us a garage pass if we could retrieve the data that was in his office. I am a Spectre and they should have just let me through. Isn't that one of our privileges? 'Let me in, I am a Spectre and this is official Council business?'" Shepard asked swiveling her head between Garrus and Liara.

"One would think there wouldn't be all that trouble about it, but I think you are getting off topic." Garrus agreed.

"About to go into a rant it would seem as well." Liara said with a small teasing smile.

"Oh, right. An investigator into white collared crime asked us to convice Qui'in to testify against Anoleis and bring forth his evidence. After fighting our way through the guards under Anoleis payroll, and that woman we mentioned earlier, we gave him his data and convinced him to testify."

"It was nice to be able to solve white collared crime for once." Liara added in real quick.

"Yeah." Shepard smiled and looked at Garrus. "Good thing we had our former C-Sec Investigator Vakarian on the team." She punched him lightly on the arm. It didn't jostle him but made him chuckle.

"Qui'in gave us the garage pass so we could go after the Geth and Benezia." Shepards smile faltered when Liara's shoulders drooped.

"After trudging through frigid air, and snow, which by the way Turians hate, putting up with Shepards driving, and fighting Geth every step of the way we finally made it to the base." Garrus said picking up the conversation that seemed to be about to turn into awkward silence.

"Yeah and we actually found survivors! Didn't know there was a problem since the Geth are working with Saren, but apparently something else ghastly happened, but there were survivors! The Rachni have made a comeback in the galaxy. So much for an extinct race."

"Wrex didn't look too impressed when you told him you let the Queen go." Liara politely stated. "I think it was the right decision because of her promise. Everyone deserves a second chance."

"Liara, I am sorry your Mother could not live hers out, but I promise I try to fight to preserve the good memory of her. She was indoctrinated because she went to try and save Saren. She fought the control Sovereign had over her and in the end she returned to herself because she wanted to help us." Shepard covered Liara's hand with her own. "And because she loved you so much."

"Thank you Shepard. I am glad my Mother is at peace and I am glad it was us that granted it to her. It is hard to explain." Liara gave a small smile, turning her hand to give Shepards a squeeze of assurance.

"I am glad Liara." Shepard looked at Garrus. "Sooo…"

"Rachni." Garrus chimed in helpfully.

"Right. Scariest shit on this mission yet, was opening that door to hundreds of insane homicidal baby Rachni and running through them to the Elevator." Shepards face contorted to disbelief that they had actually made it out alive.

"That was terrifying." Liara shuddered.

"Agreed. Never again Shepard." Garrus sent a playful glare.

"Hey buddy, I'm on your side. You know, I should get the security feed from the hot labs so we can see our faces as we ran through that horde." Shepard smirked and they all had a small laugh at that. "Anyway, I got to make something explode and not one person died. That makes it a win."

"Do you really think the Rachni Queen will keep her promise?" Liara asks hesitantly.

"If she doesn't I will kill her. But, yes, I believe she will."

"So we freed the Rachni, killed more Geth, and defeated Matriarch Benezia and her Commandoes-" Garrus started summing it all up.

"And learned the location of the Conduit thanks to Liara here." Shepard interrupted suddenly completely serious again. "The Conduit should stop Saren and the Reaper invasion if we get there first and with the right firepower. The Council is finally agreeing to help us. We are en route to the Citadel now. All I can think is to say is-"

"Finally." All three friends say at once and then laugh at the coincidence.

"It is finally time to end this. All our hard work and Kaidan's sacrifice will be worth it." Shepard paused and gave a haunted and angry frown. "It better be worth it."

"ETA 30 minutes Commander." Joker says over the comm.

"Thanks Joker." Shepard replies and nods her head letting out a deep breath of air. "Thank you for staying by my side. This would have been impossible without you. You too Joker." Shepard looks at the two comrades with her and then up at the ceiling. "Lets go stop this invasion." She gives them a grin full of confidence and determination in her eyes. Liara and Garrus reply in kind and she turns off the console.

* * *

Shepard is alone on the screen, rage personified. The sparks in her eyes look like an emerald fire and her red wild hair only adds to the appearance of a blaze.

"The Council still does not believe us. Saren could already be at the Conduit! Ugh!" Shepard bangs her hand on the table, making the camera bounce. Breathing in deeply and closing her eyes for a sec calming herself down she continues, though the fire is still in her eyes. "The Council has the whole Council fleet ready for when the enemy reaches the Citadel, but that won't matter! They have no idea what is coming for them, and we can stop it at Ilos if they had let us go. They locked down my ship so that I would not go racing to Ilos and the Conduit to stop Saren. Thank the Maker Anderson believed me. He stormed into pig, Udina's office and unlocked it. The Normandy and her crew are on their way to Ilos. I hope Anderson is ok. We all just committed treason. I also hope he got to punch Udina in the face. Backstabbing politician.

"We have about two hours until we reach Ilos. Everyone is taking time to themselves. We all know how this could end. I refuse to fail and I refuse to lose one more person on my crew. The entire crew of the Normandy is here committing treason. Why?" She asks not really asking as if she does not know, but like she is explaining to the Council why this is so important. "Because they believe in themselves, believe in me, believe this is all a very real threat, and know that it can be stopped. By us."

She pauses and looks down at the ground frustration and sadness coloring her face and her tone. "I don't know what will happen out there. How many people will die? What choices will I have to make? Will the Citadel be prepared? What is the Conduit how does it work? Can Saren be saved? Can we defeat Sovereign?" She frowns fully and looks up, pure determination and truth in glowing from her eyes and posture.

"I don't know what will happen, but we will win. We have something to fight for. The races of this galaxy will not be brought down today." She finalizes her courage and turns off her console to meditate and plan.


	10. The End of the Saren Chronicles

_**Greetings! Sorry I have taken so long to update. Life gets you sidetracked sometimes. This is going to be a long chapter because I wanted to end ME 1 here. Next chapter will be the beginning of ME2! There is some dialogue straight from the game in here, hope it's not too much. First combat scene too. Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy it!**_

_**Bioware owns the Mass Effect universe.**_

* * *

**End of the Saren Chronicles**

The camera fizzles until sound and vision filters through. A very loud thud cracks through the cabin of the Mako.

"OW! For the love of- QUIT SHOOTING US!" Shepard yells at the Geth shooting the Mako. While it seems she is dodging the most deadly shots from their heavy weapons, the smaller ammo is dealing a lot of damage.

"After we stop Saren I am coming back here to blow their synthetic asses to hell!" Ashley yells from the back seat.

"Can I please shoot them?" Garrus bellows when the Mako jerks again and they almost flip. The Mako was charging full speed ahead to the Conduit. "Spirits!" Garrus' whisper is barely recognized when he realizes how close they are.

"Everybody hold on!" Shepard screams and they are air-borne for the small Mass Relay. Ashley and Garrus start screaming and Shepard joins them when they hit the Eezo and shoot forward.

Everything is white. Suddenly the sound of blaring alarms and screeching metal resounds as the Mako crashes onto the Citadel floor, and the screen seems to be rolling the wrong way when the vehicle flips.

Shepard crawls out of the vehicle, and the Citadel comes into view. What was once a beautiful Presidium, is now a place of fire and death. She turns around and helped Garrus out of the Mako, noticing a slight gash on his neck.

"It'll be fine." He says, waving away her concern and she nods her assent, bringing her shotgun out and scanning the area. Ashley already has her assault rifle out and gives Shepard a nod to show that she is ready to go.

A faulty Avina is standing and stating issues of emergency and Shepard makes her way there. The Teeth of the Geth are standing in front of them with husks waiting to attack anyone who walks by, and the squad quickly takes them down. A quick chat with a freaky VI, and the three of them were on their way to the Council Chambers.

* * *

The elevator suddenly halted and Shepard swore. Putting on their helmets, Shepard shattered the glass barrier and started the long trek up the outside of the Council Tower. Sovereign's legs surrounded the Tower and the three soldiers dodged when they got too close.

Shepard and Garrus took turns hacking gun towers to shoot the Geth and their Dropships.

Ashley turned a corner in front of Shepard and let out a surprised, disturbed yelp and started shooting. She managed to dodge the Krogan that came charging at her and Garrus sniped him in the head while Shepard kept him on the ground with her shotgun. A rocket entered the line of sight of the camera and passed between Garrus and Shepard.

"That almost hit me in the face." Garrus growled and turned his sniper rifle and started shooting the Geth Prime. Shepard ran headlong at it while its shields were down and Threw it backwards into an oncoming Geth making both of them explode.

After finding the hatch they entered the Council Chambers. Shepard turned around in time to see a Geth melt into a green puddle. Ashley smirked as she lowered her weapon.

"I really like these upgrades Commander."

"Oh yeah. Glad they're working out for you." Shepard responded and then ran up to meet Saren.

* * *

"What have you done? You let Sovereign _implant_ you? Are you insane?" Shepard screamed at him in fury and sorrow.

"I suppose I should thank you, Shepard. After Virmire I coudn't stop thinking about what you said, about Sovereign manipulating me. About… Indoctrination. The doubts began to eat away at me. Sovereign sensed my hesitation; I was… implanted to strengthen my resolve. Now my doubts are gone. I believe in Sovereign completely. I understand. The Reapers need organics. Join us, and Sovereign will find a place for you, too."

"You're Indoctrinated! Sovereign is controlling you through your implants, don't you see that?" Shepard replied trying to get through to the crazy Turian.

"The relationship is symbiotic – organics and machine intertwined, a union of flesh and steel. The strengths of both, the weaknesses of neither. I am a vision of the future, Shepard. The evolution of all organic life." Saren said in awe. "This is our destiny. Join Sovereign, and experience a true rebirth!"

"We can beat them!Sovereign hasn't won yet, I can stop him from taking control of this station. Step aside, and the invasion will never happen."

"We can't stop it! Not forever! You saw the visions, you saw what happened to the Protheans. The Reapers are too powerful." Saren was starting to sound doubtful again of what he was saying. The realization that he wanted to save everyone, not annihilate them, startled Shepard but gave her a new resolve.

"Don't give in to them! Some part of you must still realize this is wrong! You can fight this!" She proclaimed trying to convince him to do the right thing.

"Maybe you're right – maybe there is still a chance for- AUGH, AH- the implants. Sovereign is too strong! I'm sorry, it is too late for me." Saren said in agony.

"That's not true! It's not over yet, you can still redeem yourself!" Shepard yelled, coming out from her cover to face him. She wanted to see him win against Sovereign and was going to get to him.

"Goodbye, Shepard. Thank you." Saren said, resigned to his fate and put his pistol to his head.

"SAREN NO!" Shepard screamed as he pulled the trigger.

Shepard quickly recovers and runs up to the controls, opening the arms and commanding Joker and the Alliance fleets to save the Destiny Ascension, much to Ashley's disapproval.

"Go make sure he is dead." Shepard says turning back to the controls. Garrus and Ashley nod and disappear from view. A minute later, a shot is heard and barely through the comm link, Garrus responds.

"He's dead."

"Alright lets-" Shepard states and then loses her footing as the floor under her shakes. She catches herself before she falls, and looks down where Saren fell and her two friends are. She lets out disturbed gasp at seeing the atrocity before her.

Saren is glowing red, howling unholy sounds, and electricity is running through him, transforming him. "Damn you Sovereign." Shepard manages to growl out as the platform under her collapses and she rolls straight to the abominations feet, Garrus and Ashley helping her up.

"I AM SOVEREIGN AND THIS STATION IS MINE!" The abomination screeches and jumps.

Shepard whips up a barrier and swings out her shotgun at the same time.

"Garrus I need to you to Overload his shields and forget your sniper rifle!" She yells and he answers by frying a portion of the shields and already had his assault rifle out. Ashley was going full throttle with her assault rifle, ripping his shields apart.

The abomination flew around the room, able to stay attached to the walls and ceiling and Shepard was having a hard time keeping up with his movements. Hitting him with her biotics more than her shotgun, she warped him until his shields were down and then lifted him until he was stationed in the air and vulnerable to their attacks. It didn't last long enough and he landed on the wall, sending bolts of electricity at them which quickly depleted their shields.

Quickly dispersing medi-gel into her and her squad to make sure they wouldn't go down, she ran around her cover, bringing up her shotgun. The abomination lunged for her and she shot him in his gaping mouth, making him drop dead for sure this time.

The three of them run up to the higher ground in the chambers and Shepard looks out the giant windows in time to see the Normandy give Sovereign the final blow.

"Ha! Hell yeah!" She shouts, Garrus and Ashley laughing along with her. "By the Maker." She whispers gravely when a piece of Sovereigns leg falls off and hurtles toward them.

"GO!" She yells turning to her friends and for a second you can see the scared faces of Ashley and Garrus before they run.

Glass shatters around them and Garrus barely dodges a beam. Taking a quick glance up, and seeing the leg quickly taking over her entire view, Shepard hollers. Her glowing blue hand appears on screen and a blast of biotics leaves her, sending her squad away from the impact zone. The leg crashes down around her, a few yelps and grunts leaving her as she tries to dodge and fails. A small grunt of pain leaves her as her visor cracks, half of it going dark, but enough to show that she has fallen to the ground. Reaper remnants surround her and she doesn't move, specks of red liquid on her camera visor.

* * *

Small sounds filter into the speakers.

"Captain Anderson, we found them! They're in here!" a male says, grunts and scraping metal following that statement.

"Don't worry, we've got you."

A loud groan emits from Shepard and the camera starts moving. It is dark, but Shepard's hand moves a piece of debris and she slowly stands up. The camera bounces as she limps along the wreckage. Turning around the corner she jumps onto some smaller rubble and the relieved and happy faces of Garrus, Ashley, and Anderson enter the vision.

She runs to meet them giving both Garrus and Ashley a hug and shaking hands with Anderson.

"Hey Shepard."

"Yeah Garrus?"

"Your visor camera is on."

"Augh. I wonder how long… oh look its broken." She says as she looks into after taking it off her face. She has a few cuts and bruises and her hair is a crazy mess, but she looks ok. A haunted look in her eyes from what happened to Saren, and the losses she knew they took, clouds her eyes, but the happiness of those who are still alive is shining through. The screen goes black as she turns off her visor for the last time.

* * *

Joker appears on screen. He looks awful. His eyes are bloodshot, face is bruised, arm in a sling, and his hat is crooked.

"I uh… figured I would finish this for her. For Shepard." He coughs and refuses to look into the camera.

"After the defeat of Sovereign and Saren, I guess The Battle of the Citadel, Shepard gave the crew a giant party and managed to get Anderson as human representative on the Council. She doesn't know that part though.

"She was really sad to see Wrex and Garrus go. Somehow, as only Shepard could, she became friends with them both. Liara and Tali decided to stay on and help fight the Geth the Council sent us after."

He paused and sighed a long sorrowful, angry breath. "We were searching the edge of the Terminus Systems for four days and no signs of Geth activity. We fell under attack by an unknown enemy. Blew our shields away in one shot. Pressley died in the first strike." Joker pause in silent respect for his former XO.

"Everyone started to abandon the Normandy. I… wouldn't. I felt I couldn't let her go and I should have." He finally makes eye contact with the camera, his eyes showing the deep emotional turmoil he was in. "Shepard - no… Jane. Jane came up to the cockpit and got my stubborn butt out of there." His eyes were glistening but he held the tears at bay and he was swallowing heavily. His voice sounded heavy, but he didn't waver.

"Jane didn't make it into the escape pod with me." He choked. "Didn't even hesitate to push the button that saved my life and ended hers." Finally a few tears escaped.

"She's gone. Jane Shepard is dead and it's my fault." Joker grits his teeth and shakes his head, looking down into his lap. He slams his hand down onto the desk with a pained yell of anger at himself.

"They won't blame me. Tali and Liara are just glad that I too made it out alive. Ashley wishes she had disobeyed Shepard's orders and stayed with her. Anderson and Hackett just tell me there was nothing I could have done. Even Wrex just gave me a nod at the Memorial. Garrus, man. I expected him to hate me. I mean, he and Shepard were best friends. He just… gave me a pat on the shoulder and some kind of Turian condolence. Why the hell won't they blame me?" He sighs and looks around. "I am going to have to edit that out."

He slowly brings his gaze back to the camera. "Now the Council and the Alliance are ruining everything Jane Shepard worked for. Lying about the Reapers, what Sovereign was, and blaming everything on the Geth. They are betraying the woman who fought with everything that she was to save this universe and saved the Council. Garrus tried to fight for her memory, but eventually got fed up and disappeared. Wrex and Tali went home. Liara disappeared too before anybody else. Everyone from the Normandy was given different orders. Chakwas is planet side… or moon side however you want to look at it. They won't let me pilot any ship. I'm grounded. I never thought I would say that after leaving my parents' house." He pauses again, finding where his thoughts had been before.

"I cannot pilot a ship or go to battle, but I can do this. Edit her video diaries as you have just watched, and make you see the woman who should be an honored legend. The woman who cared deeply for her friends, her crew, and the people of this galaxy. Tali once told me, that Shepard was a different person on the battlefield and on the ship. Like, in her video diaries, she seems to be a big goofball in most of them, but she is truly serious on the battlefield and watches out for her people.

"I once teased her about making her squad worry she had a split personality. She just smiled and said, 'I tend to lose myself in whatever I do. In order to exit the mindset of battle, I make the video diaries after writing my official report. Some soldiers exit war mode right away like flipping a switch. Some go out for drinks, play a game, and some never truly leave it behind. I do the best I can with the diaries, but during this time, I can't leave it truly behind. The stakes are too high to take things too lightly.' I just made fun of her some more than, which actually made her laugh.

"Shepard needs to be remembered for everything that she was. I am going to put this up as a memorial to her." Joker straightens up his wheelchair, adjusts his hat, and looks directly into the camera.

"Remember Jane Shepard: Sole Survivor of Akuze; First Human Spectre; Savior of the Citadel and the Council. Remember the ferocious warrior and the heart of the woman Jane Shepard was." Jeff Moreau bows his head in respect and about 10 seconds later a ping sounds in the terminal beside him. He looks up, angry at the interruption and opens the message to see who it is from.

"What the shit? Cerberus? Why would they… holy crap." He whispers at the end and quickly shuts off the camera.


	11. Sequel is Out!

_**Important A/N: Greetings! Sorry it has taken so long to update and only to say this. I have decided I am going to make a different story for each ME arc. So this is not a real chapter, but is a sneak peek at the new story. The new story is already out with the first chapter, because I posted it right before I posted this. **_

'_**Bring Me To Life, Wake Me Up' is the next story title. **_

_**I apologize, but this is how I decided to write it. Thank you for reading this story and I hope you read the sequel, which consists of regular chapters, not video diaries.**_

_**Here is the sneak peek. It is very short and here to just make sure I follow the rules and guidlines of the site that say chapters can not be just an Authors Note:  
**_

* * *

**I Die For You**

She recognizes this darkness. It sounds like she is in a tunnel. The booms of explosions in the background bring feelings of fear and panic that she can't explain. These things hadn't fazed her before, and she didn't understand where this odd feeling of doom was coming from.

Her body lurches as a strong impact and a very loud voice wakes her up. _'Wake up? From what? Why am I sleeping?'_ Shepard asks herself confused and opens her eyes.

She sits up at the demand of "Get up Shepard!" and grabs her side in pain. There is apparently, no time to sort out her confusion, because the female voice calls out again. "Get to the locker. Your armor and gun are in there."

Shepard stumbles over to the locker. _'Is this thing a VI? What happened? This is NOT my armor. Where the hell is my SHOTGUN?!' _


End file.
